


Juunishi Go to the Zoo

by Aki_Aiko



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:22:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1834303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aki_Aiko/pseuds/Aki_Aiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sohmas visit the zoo.  Zaniness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Juunishi Go to the Zoo

**Author's Note:**

> No spoilers that I can think of. This was one of the first fanfiction I ever wrote, way back in 2007, back in a more humorous phase, when I was still too nervous to let myself dig into angst. It's one I'm fond of. It hasn't really been edited, though.

"Stop it, Shigure, you're only irritating it."

"Ridiculous, Ha'ri, it's my own dear kin. It would never harm me."

"I thought we were your 'own dear kin'."

"Gasp! Is that jealousy I hear?"

Hatori bit back a sigh-he seemed to do a lot of sighing lately-and glared at Shigure. "Just stop it. You look ridiculous, anyway."

He and Shigure had stopped in front of where the wolves were kept and Shigure, disappointed that they didn't even take notice of him, the Dog itself, had produced a handkerchief and, leaning over the railing, proceeded to wave it about, calling out to get their attention. It worked to some extent but to Hatori they just looked annoyed, no matter what Shigure said.

"Ha'ri, Ha'ri, Ha'ri," Shigure tsked as one of the wolves turned in their direction. "Having such an unusual," here he glanced at Hatori with barely suppressed mirth," Juunishi form, you surely cannot understand the depths of the connection I have with these beautiful, magnificent-foamingdogmouthrun!"

Disgusted, Hatori pushed the other man away. "Get off me, you idiot. It can't get up here."

"Yes, yes. You're right as usual, Ha'ri."

Some time later...

"I'm going to kill you."

"Who knew wolves could jump so high..."

"I'm going to kill you." Hatori shuffled to the nearest bench and flopped down. The zoo's medical staff had patched him up well enough but the adrenaline from the scare was finally starting to wear off.

"...or that they'd go for you and not me." Shigure stood beside the bench, looking rather dazed by the turn of events. Hatori threw an arm over his eyes to block out the sun's bright rays.

"I'm going to kill you...as soon as I can get up."

+

"Isn't it amazing, Yuki," Tohru said, gazing up at all the snake cages. "I wonder which type Ayame is."

"The perverted one," grumbled Kyo.

The three of them had wandered into the snake exhibit and it was only to please Tohru that they remained at all. Yuki would have rather died than admit it but he was curious, too. What kind of snake was Ayame, anyway? He stopped when he saw a long, silver one winding around in its cage.

"Yuki, look," said Tohru, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards a little tank. "Rats!...why do they keep rats here?"

Kyo snickered. "Yeah. Why do they keep rats here, Yuki?"

Yuki gave him a death glare but was saved from answering when a burly zoo attendant reached into the cage and pulled out a squirming rat, well, mouse, really. He headed for a nearby cage.

Yuki slapped a hand over Tohru's eyes. "Don't look, Miss Honda."

"O-okay. Is it something scary?"

"No. Nope." He began backing away, pulling her with him, hand still over her eyes. "Not a bit."

Kyo followed the attendant, looking as if Christmas had come early. Yuki glared at his back and imagined all sorts of delightfully horrible things happening to the cat.

Once outside, he dropped his hand. "Where would you like to go now? I hear they have a very large bird collection here."

"But what about Kyo?"

"He'll be fine. Really."

Tohru stood frozen, unable to decide. Yuki or Kyo? Kyo or Yuki? Her head swiveled back and forth until Yuki said, "It's alright. We don't have to go yet."

"If you're sure..."

Kyo finally emerged from the snake house and strolled past them, hands in pockets. "Well," he said cheerily. "It had a big mouth, so we definitely know it's related to Ayame."

+

Ayame had accosted his two best friends and, dragging Hatori off his nice, comfortable bench, led the way with a big grin. While Shigure and Ayame whispered and laughed up ahead, Hatori followed behind, too exhausted to complain. He just hoped this wasn't another sea horse exhibit. He stopped, confused, when they got to a reptile house.

Ayame flourished a hand at the entrance. "Come, 'Tori, a most wonderful surprise awaits!"

"Ayame..."

In one swift movement, Shigure and Ayame grabbed him by the elbows and steered him inside. They deposited him in front of the cage of a scaly, lumpy...thing.

"Taadaa," Ayame sang out, once more flourishing an arm, this time at the cage.

"What is it?"

"A dragon," Shigure said.

"A komodo dragon," Ayame added.

Hatori looked from their pleased, expectant faces, then back at the 'dragon'. This was a dragon. No fire-breathing, no wing, lots of scales. Shigure turned into a dog, a big, hairy, cuddly dog. Ayame a long, beautiful silver snake. He probably had venom or something to go with it. And here he was, Hatori, seahorse. And now, iguana.

Maybe it was the heat or possibly the dog bites which caused his anger to rise but whichever it was finally caused him to snap.

"What am I, cursed?"

Shigure looked faintly concerned at this outburst. "Yeah. Pretty much."

"You don't like it?" Ayame's smile faltered.

Hatori sighed, once again, at Ayame's hurt expression and felt his anger begin to fade. "What does it do?"

Ayame brightened as Shigure read off some information from the plaque. "Well, let's see. It's got about 60 replaceable teeth, it's a carnivore and cannibalistic. Eats frozen rats-sorry, Aya. And, hey, this is nice-it's mouth is so full of 'virulent' bacteria that even if it doesn't kill its prey, it'll still die of infection later."

So now he was a bacteria-filled iguana. Hatori forced his mouth into an approximation of a smile, which caused some nearby patrons to steer their children well around him. "That's...very interesting. Let's go."

As they made their way outside, Hatori decided to set some ground rules for this new discovery before it got out of hand. "All right. Listen carefully. No stuffed animals. No T-shirts or any other article of clothing which bears its likeness. No little figurines, no dishes, no pictures. Nothing at all with dragons on it. Got it?"

The other two nodded and Hatori eyed them suspiciously, wondering how they would try to get around it. He hadn't even finished getting rid of his huge pile of seahorse stuff yet.

+

They were everywhere. Great flapping wings, chirping, moving, and flying all over the place.

"Uh, Kyo?"

"Uhmmmm..."

Tohru looked nervously from Kyo to the birds flying around the aviary. Maybe he was sick. She hoped not but his mouth was open and he was drooling, eyes darting around in an oddly fervent way. It was when his teeth started clacking together as if snapping at something that Yuki pulled Tohru away.

"Let's just go, Miss Honda."

"But he might be sick!"

"I think he's just-okay, I don't know what he's doing, but I'm sure he's fine."

Even Tohru seemed a little unnerved by Kyo's odd behavior and was easily persuaded to leave.

Couldn't they even go to the zoo like normal people? Yuki grabbed Tohru's hand and went in search of his other family members, who were all scattered about, in the hopes of simply gathering them up and leaving.

Somehow, he just knew this wasn't going to be easy.

+

It had all happened so fast. One minute, they were walking, the next Poof! Ayame had transformed and a stampede nearly trampled him. At least he wasn't so hot anymore, being inside and all.

Hatori and Shigure were leaning against his cage, Shigure with his clothes, talking quietly about how to free him before he transformed back. In the meantime, unable to help in his current condition, he took a look around him. On one side was a small, green snake, which watched him curiously. On the other was a big silver one. A strangely lumpy silver one. He stared at it a moment before comprehension dawned and he jerked back with a hiss.

"What's wrong?" Hatori asked, looking him over worriedly, ever the doctor.

"He ate Yuki!"

"What are you talking about?

Ayame pointed with his snout at the next cage.

"Ewww," Shigure chuckled. "Kyo would love to see this."

Ayame gasped. "Shigure! How could you talk about my dear brother so?"

"Sorry, Aya. But you know, that's not really Yuki."

"Anyway," said Hatori, trying to get them back on track. "We need to get you out of there. And out of here, before you transform. Without being seen." They had been getting odd looks from zoo attendants for the past few minutes and Hatori had a bad feeling it had to do with his less than reputable appearance.

"Hmmm, I have a plan," said Ayame.

"Dear lord," Hatori muttered.

Very slowly, all around them, snakes began to move, hissing and writhing. One by one lids began popping open and snakes started crawling out, Ayame included, causing a general panic and another stampede. Shigure scooped him up and ran out, Hatori fast on his heels. They didn't stop running until they reached another section and found a relatively empty bathroom.

Hatori left, with an order for them not to leave, and returned with an animal print umbrella. Ayame had finally transformed back and was dressed. He looked at the umbrella with distaste.

"Really, 'Tori, brown monkeys with blue sable? I think not! It brings up no romantic images at all."

Two teenagers entered the bathroom, giggling and laughing.

"Man, I wish I'd been there. I hear they've got like a hundred people looking for them."

"I'm taking one home if I find any. You think mom would let me keep a snake?"

Hatori held the monkey covered umbrella out in one white-knuckled grip. "Take. The umbrella."

Ayame laughed nervously. "Whatever you wish, 'Tori. I'm sure it'll work."

+

Kisa was watching the tigers lay out in the sun when a little boy came to stand beside her. He peered up at her and whispered, "You look just like a tiger. I can sound like a tiger. roar."

Kisa smiled down at him. "Meow."

"No, no, you have to say 'roar'." The little boy shook his head sadly. "Like this: Roar!"

"Me-OW."

"NO. Roar!"

"ROARRRRRR!"

The boy jumped back, frightened, and started to cry. Kisa covered her mouth in horror as the little boy ran away. She was still standing there, frozen, when Hiro returned with their crepes.

"Here you go, Kisa. Kisa? Are you hurt? Are you sick? Do you need to lie down?"

Hiro fretted over her, putting a hand on her forehead, peering at her eyes, doing all the doctorly things he'd seen Hatori do, until she lowered her hand enough to say in a small voice, "I made that little boy cry."

"Huh? What could you do that would make a kid cry?"

"ROARRRRRR!"

"Ack!" Hiro jumped back. But instead of running away, he grinned at her. "That's great. How'd you do that?"

"Doesn't...doesn't it...scare you?"

"NO. What do little kids know anyway?"

Kisa giggled. After all, how many times had Hiro argued that they were just kids when needling the adults?

"Besides," Hiro continued, gently turning her back towards the tigers, "Look at them. You'll look like them someday."

Kisa blushed. She would never be as beautiful as those tigers. But at least she roar like one.

+

"Stop scratching, Ha'ri. You'll mess up your nice bandages."

Sigh. "I think it's getting infected."

Hatori mentally cursed himself as Ayame's eyes lit up and he opened his mouth to speak.

"No, wait, I was wrong! I'm fine. Really. I don't even itch anymore."

Ayame looked doubtful but was distracted from whatever scary thought had been in his head when he ran into-literally-Ritsu.

"Oh, no, I'm so sorry-"

"Ritsu."

"It was careless of me, not looking-"

"RITSU-"

"I'll apologize to the WHOLE WOR-"

Shigure leaped forward and poked him in the side. "Phew. Any louder and we'd have had everyone staring...at...us."

Everyone, it seemed, was staring at them because when Ritsu started to slump to the ground a concerned girl nearby reached out to help him. Now she only stood there with the sleeve of a pink, flowered kimono in one hand and a very confused expression on her face.

Back to the bathroom! They grabbed Ritsu-Shigure snatching the kimono out of the girl's hand-and once more were stuck in a bathroom.

"Great," Hatori said. "We'll be leaving soon."

"I have a plan," Ayame announced, dragging poor Ritsu into a stall and locking the door.

After a few moments, they emerged. Ritsu, still in monkey form, was wearing his kimono again, the hem trailing on the ground behind him, and Ayame's umbrella held low over his face, hiding it from view.

"Do you think anyone will notice?" Ritsu asked.

"See, if he transforms back, he'll already be dressed. I know, I know, I am brilliant!"

Shigure sniggered behind his hand. Hatori frowned at Ayame.

"I bought that for you, Aya. You can't walk around in the heat without something to block out the sun."

Ayame waved a hand. "Yes, yes. You simply cannot have me do without. We will go to the gift shop-forthwith!-and buy another much better suited to my elegant sense of fashion."

"Hmmm." Shigure was studying Ritsu. "We need something to cover his arms with." He looked down at his feet. His own socks were far too short. Ayame was wearing a pair of slippers and no socks at all. That left...

And so they finally emerged from the bathroom, Hatori now sockless but thankful that he was at least able to keep his shoes. Shigure hoisted Ritsu up on one hip like a mother would a child. As he did so, one of Ritsu hairy knees stuck out through a slit in the kimono's side.

At one woman's wide-eyed stare, Shigure shifted Ritsu and glared at her. "Hmph," he sniffed, nose in the air, "like your child's a prize."

Together, he and Ayame trapped Hatori between them and headed off to find the nearest gift shop, three men and a baby-er, monkey.

+

There were a lot of families at the zoo. So many happy, smiling families. Rin couldn't help but wonder how much of it was real.

She watched as a father and daughter went by, the daughter clinging to her father's hand and giggling, and could not stop herself from following. They stopped at one of the animal pens and the father swung the girl, now laughing instead of just giggling, up on his shoulders.

Rin wanted to grab the girl, shake her, warn her: Don't ask...if you ask...it'll all go away.

Memories pulsed inside her brain, memories of hurting words and broken illusions, and the old familiar panic welled up. The need to run. To run far away. Horses were made to run, right? She turned to do just that and bounced off a warm, solid chest.

She stared up at Haru in confusion and fear. With a muffled sob, Rin clung to his shirt and buried her head in his shoulder.

"Hey..."

"Don't ask. Just...don't ask."

After a moment, strong arms circled around her back and pulled her closer. She felt calmer, safer, because Haru loved her, and it was real-wasn't it?

+

That stupid woman. What was she doing here?

Hiro crossed his arms and glared at Tohru Honda. She had just appeared out of nowhere and with a cry of "I love you!" glomped all over Kisa.

"Would you like to go to the petting zoo?" Tohru now asked.

"Hmph. You think just because we're kids, we want to go pet free-range food? Did you even think about how much germs that place might have? Or how dirty our clothes'll get?"

"Uh, um, no...I'm sorry, you're right, I didn't think about that!"

Yuki stepped in to rescue her. "Hiro, that's enough. Kisa. Do you want to go?"

Kisa nodded. "Yes...I...want to...go."

"Let's go." Hiro grabbed her hand before that Honda woman could and they set off for the petting zoo.

So they pet rabbits and chicks and, finally, a goat. Kisa giggled as it approached and it flicked its tail happily when she scratched behind its ear.

"Oh, look," Tohru said, clasping her hands together. "It likes you, Kisa."

Hiro glared at Tohru again and reached for Kisa's hand. As soon as his fingers closed around hers, the goat made a small grunting sound and charged forward, butting Hiro and knocking him back.

"Oof! Hey!"

Once again, it charged forward, this time knocking him to the ground.

He reached for Kisa again. "Get away from that thing. It's crazy."

"Hiro, wait," Yuki said, moving forward to pull him away. "I think it's jealo-"

And again, as soon as his hand touched Kisa's, he was rammed into. This time he landed on his back with the goat standing over him, pawing at the ground.

Okay. That's enough. He wasn't going to let some stupid woman keep him from Kisa and neither would this rabid goat. He'd just have to do what any other man would do for the woman he loved-fight back!

He stood and rolled up his sleeves, in a final face-off against the goat. It pawed the ground in anger and charged forward. This time Hiro was ready for him. He got hold of the horns and pushed back. Unfortunately, this only put them at a standstill. He could hear Tohru in the background, telling him to be careful-like he needed her to tell him that!-and he could hear Kisa, too, acting as cheerleader.

"Go, Hiro, go!"

"I bet five dollars on the goat." What the hell? That had better not be Shigure.

After what seemed like forever-but was really only five minutes-the goat gave one last, mighty push, one that landed Hiro straight into a mud puddle. It flitted away, hooves kicking mud right into Hiro's face.

"Argggg!" He tried wiping his face with his sleeve but wound up just spreading the mud around. He stood, covered in mud from head to toe, and looked around. Sure enough, there was Shigure-along with Ayame-at the petting zoo's little fence. Yuki was with Tohru, who was running towards him with a handkerchief. But... where was Kisa? Aw, who was he kidding? She was probably too embarrassed to be seen with him now. He always screwed things up.

"Hiro...Hiro..."

He looked up, a hopeful smile on his face, as Kisa came running to him, holding out a large cup of water. She took the handkerchief, dipped it in the glass, and started wiping at his face. When there was a clean enough spot, she leaned forward and pecked him on the cheek.

"What was that for? I lost." He ignored Yuki's scoff.

"Because...because...Hiro...you're my hero!"

Just seeing her smile at him like that, as if he really had done something heroic, made him feel as if he were one step closer to becoming the kind of man, a prince, who could be worthy of her. His own little princess.

+

Where was Akito doing during all this, you might ask? Well, he was at home, preparing for the others' arrival. Surely Hatori would come check up on him after being away for the whole day. And Shigure would probably want to visit. The dog never could stay too long from his master's side.

"We need more soap," he told Kureno, who had stayed behind.

Kureno eyed the long line of soap, bars upon bars laid out single file across the sink's counter, but wisely said nothing. He left to find someone who could go buy more.

No one understood. Wild animals were just teaming with germs. And his own would come to him, wanting his attention, his love, when they were covered with these germs. Even Hatori, usually the most conscientious of them all.

Which was way he'd stockpiled disinfectant, too. Lots of disinfectant. Heck, he'd hose 'em down if he thought it would work. Hmmm...

He eyed the shower nozzle. No, that would be wrong. The shower nozzle wasn't near strong enough.

Kureno returned. "Akito. I've got Miss Yamashita going out for the soap."

Akito nodded absently, staring at himself in the mirror. "We need shampoo."

"Shampoo?"

"Yes, shampoo. Something strong-and fruity." He'd rather smell fruit than zoo animal. "Say, Kureno...do we have a fire hose on the estate?"

Nonplussed, Kureno left to find out. In the meantime, Akito went to go find a phone book. Maybe a firehouse would have one.

+

It was very important to get just the right stuffed animal. It had to be a cat, of course, but not just any old cat. Kagura frowned as she scanned the shelves. There were gray ones, black ones, white ones, and brown ones but no orange ones. Not one of them looked like her Kyo.

"Excuse me." One of the gift shop employees approached her. "May I help you?"

"Where are the orange cats?"

"Here's an orange one." He held up a stuffed tiger.

"That's not even a cat."

"How about this one?"

"That's a lion!" Her eyes began to glow, as if she were possessed by an evil demon. "Where are the orange cats!"

"Ah! I'm sorry I'm sorry!" The man cringed in front of her.

"Kagura! Hey, Kagura!"

Immediately, she went back to her sweet, happy self and turned away from the poor man, who took the opportunity to run away while he still could. A whole trail of Sohmas entered the shop-Yuki, in the lead, and Ayame, Shigure, Ritsu (who for some reason was wearing socks on his hands), Kisa, Hiro, and even Tohru.

"I'm glad we found you," Yuki said. "Can you help us get Kyo? He won't come out of the bird exhibit."

"Kyo? You know where my Kyo is?"

"Bird exhibit."

"AHAHAHA!" She sped out of the store-bursting through the wall instead of the door-at full speed. "Kyo, my love, I'm coming to get you!"

"I can almost feel sorry for the guy," Shigure said.

Yuki rolled his eyes. "He deserves it."

"We should leave," Shigure added, "before they make us pay for damages." He glanced behind the counter. "And for psychiatric counseling."

And they were out like a flash, leaving the store employee crouched behind his counter, muttering about lions and tigers.

+

Haru waited patiently in line for snow cones, the picture of calm-or the picture of spaceyness, depending on your view. He wanted a cherry snow cone. Cherry was cool. Rin had asked for cotton candy.

He thought it odd that two such totally unrelated things were sold together-kind of like when someone goes to the store for bread and comes back with a bottle of motor oil, cucumbers, and a pair of pantyhose.

An old lady hobbled past him, pushing him out of the way with an irritated poke of her steel-tipped cane.

"Mooove it, you freak," she said.

He blinked in surprise. The line had moved forward while he'd been daydreaming.

Now the old lady was glaring at him. "What are staring at?" she said. "Are you too dumb to see that the line's moved?"

Dumb? Dumb? He could handle being called freak, but dumb? Oh, no...

Enter Black Haru. "What did you say, you old hag?" He cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

The old lady adjusted her glasses and glared even harder at him.

The next few moments passed in a haze of insults, each more crude than the last, as five minutes turned into ten, ten turned into fifteen, and so on. Sure, the gathering crowd could have stopped it, but where was the fun in that? How often do you see a hot young psycho and an abusive granny go head-to-head?

It ended with a sharp rap. When Haru woke, back in White mode, it was to find a circle of family members standing over him. Plus Tohru, of course.

"Huh." His head hurt. A lot. He sat up and put a hand to his forehead, only to find a huge lump underneath his fingers. That old bat had hit him with his cane! Black Haru rising...

"Are you okay?" Tohru asked.

Black Haru fading...

"I hope...you...you'll be...okay," Kisa said nervously, clutching Tohru's hand. Beside her, a very mud-splattered Hiro glared.

...fading...

Rin had anger written all over her face and stance. "Who did this to you?"

...gone.

He pointed to a nearby table, where the old granny sat eating a cherry-flavored snow cone. Figured.

There was a moment of complete silence. Had the zoo kept crickets, they'd have been chirping.

"An...old lady...beat you up?" Yuki asked.

Kyo, despite being in Kagura's stranglehold, didn't even bother with trying not to laugh. He let it all out, at full force, laughter of an insane magnitude.

Haru looked over at Rin, who looked as if she couldn't decide whether or not to laugh, look sorry for him, or go and beat up that mean old lady.

"How could you lose to her?" She finally asked. "She must be in her eighties!"

He could offer up only one defense. "Yeah. But old people are vicious."

Apparently, she'd decided on laughter.

+

"The zoo's gotten a bit wild lately, hasn't it?" Uotani asked, looking around with puzzlement. Sure, on the outside it looked normal enough, but she'd caught sight of more than enough people darting wildly about as if being pursued by something scary.

"Yes. It's odd...such waves today," Hanajima answered. She'd gotten her fair share of odd looks, too, what with the long black dress she was wearing. Uo couldn't understand how she wasn't sweating to death.

They spotted Tohru sitting amidst a small crowd of ever-present Sohmas and hurried to join her. Their friend smiled happily at them and offered up her uneaten hot dog but Uo put that down real fast. Tohru needed as much energy she could get, what with all the work she did.

"I see a snake," Hanajima said.

Ayame lowered his umbrella/parasol to hide behind. While the Sohmas sweated-and not because of the heat for once-Uo froze. She felt something sliding over her calf. One look down sent her jumping to the tabletop with a shriek, the others quickly joining her.

"It's the Yuki killer!" Ayame cried. "Get it!"

"Don't say that! I'm right here."

Out of nowhere, Uo's trusty lead pipe appeared. Gripping it tight, she leapt to the ground and proceeded to swing. After a few minutes of hissing and Uo grunting, victory was her's.

"Is it dead?" Shigure asked, peering down at the limp animal on the ground.

"I think so," Uo answered. She hadn't really wanted to kill it but...heat of the moment and all...

"Where'd you get that from?" Kyo asked her, eying the lead pipe she now had slung over one shoulder.

Ayame jumped down from the tabletop and knelt in front of 'Yuki-Killer'. It really wasn't so bad a snake. And it had to eat, after all. Now it was dead, all because he had been so selfish. He picked it up and lifted it dramatically towards the sky.

"WHY? WHYYYYYYYY?"

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Shigure, make him stop."

"Hmm? What for?"

"WHAT A CRUEL, CRUELLL WORLDDD..." Ayame trailed off, then jumped up and thrust the snake in Yuki's face. "Look! It's alive!"

Yuki-Killer raised its head.

"Ah!' Yuki jumped back. "Are you crazy? Get that thing away from me!"

"Don't you like it? " He looked at the snake. It looked harmless enough now. Kinda cute. And friendly. "It can stand as a shining symbol of the love two brothers such as us have for one another!"

"No, it can't!"

Shigure decided to finally intervene. "Uh, Aya..."

"Yes, 'Gure?"

"How are you going to sneak a snake out of the zoo?" Shigure asked, with a serious look on his face which was strangely out of place on him.

"Under my clothes, of course!"

"Can you take care of a snake?"

"But...but...I'll pet it, and feed it, and name it...oh, wait, it already has a name."

"You can't be serious," Yuki muttered.

Kyo stared at him, wide-eyed. "You really are psycho."

As Aya babbled on about Yuki-Killer, the real Yuki was wondering if you could knock yourself unconscious, and decided to test it by banging his head on the tabletop. Whack! Ah, sweet oblivion, where are you? Whack!

"Oh, no! Yuki, are you alright?" Tohru asked. The rift, the rift!

"Not yet, but I'm getting there."

whackwhackwha-

+

Momiji was lost. Very lost. How one could lose a crowd of loud, argumentative Sohmas, he didn't know. But he had. So he wandered around and found himself drawn to the zoo's posted map. No, not by the map itself-that would've been useful had he been looking for a place instead of a people. It was by the voices.

"But, Papa, I wanna see the monkeys." It was a little girl's voice.

Momiji smiled. "Hey," he called, popping out from behind the sign. "Are you lost? So am I."

He ignored the tensing of the tall man-the 'papa'-and smiled at the little girl instead.

"Momiji," said the woman with them, "how nice to see you. Where are your parents?"

"I told you! I'm lost."

Now the woman turned to her husband. "Really, dear, we ought to help him find his family, don't you think?"

He darted glance between the two of them nervously. "Well..."

"Just imagine if it was our own child." Now her hand reached down to stroke the little girl's head absent-mindedly and he grimaced at the gesture.

"Allright. But we can't stay much longer. One hour, Momiji. I'm sorry, but if we can't find-your family-by then, we'll have to take you to security."

"Yay!" Momiji reached out and grabbed Momo's hand. "So you like monkeys? Me, too! Monkeys are very nice, once you get to know them."

Momo giggled.

So for once, Momiji, his very nervous Papa, his Mama-even if she didn't remember being his Mama-and his little sister got to spend a very happy day together. Which lasted 45 minutes in real time but seemed to Momiji enough to count for a whole day.

Unfortunately, the time of parting had to come. Momiji smiled and waved at the pack of Sohmas as they came into view and said a bright goodbye to Papa, Mama, and Momo. Papa stared after him a moment when he and the others turned away to leave, a pained expression on his face, before taking his wife's hand and leading them away.

+

Kureno waited by the door as everyone piled into the minivan, Sohma-owned for such occasions. They were all too exhausted to make much of their usual fuss.

"Thank you for picking us up," Tohru said.

"Hello, Kureno," Yuki said, sliding in next to Tohru.

"Hey!" Kyo glared at Yuki and took a seat behind them. Bird feathers floated after him.

"Kureno! How kind of you to rescue so many damsels in distress," Ayame said but was too tired to go on in his usual monologue.

Shigue glared at him before sitting next to Ayame, who was half-heartedly pestering Yuki.

"Hi!" Kagura greeted warmly.

"I...I'm sorry for making you wait," Ritsu whimpered. He would've gone on had Kagura not yanked him inside.

"About time," Hiro muttered. Was that mud? He wasn't cleaning it up.

Kisa waved as she was pulled in after him.

Rin snorted in contempt.

"...'sup?" said Hatsuharu.

"Everybody here?" Kureno asked, sliding behind the wheel...and rolling down the window, because Akito was right-they smelled like zoo animals.

"Yes," they all answered in monotone, too tired to be lively.

"Good. Let's go."

Kureno arrived back at the house after nightfall, having to drop everyone off, and was way late on paperwork. He opened his laptop and turned on the radio for some background noise.

As luck-or perhaps unluck-would have it, it turned it on just in time to catch the news.

"-and Tokyo Zoo was shut down today due to severe security issues. Approximately 50 snakes, 15 listed as rare and exotic, escaped captivity. At last count, 23 are still at large. In another incident, a patron was attacked by one of the zoo's wolves and barely managed to avoid life threatening injuries. And it is believed a stray cat killed 10 birds in the aviary. But most bizarre of all, a homeless man was found swimming naked-yes, people, naked-in the zoo's aquarium. His identity is unknown but the police believe he may be mentally ill and are sending him to the Takaya Mental Health Institute for further testing."

Kureno sat frozen at his keyboard, hands poised over the keys. Zoo? Aquarium? Naked? He did a mental headcount.

"Hatori!"

He grabbed his keys and ran for his car. Maybe Akito would let the doctor take a nice, long vacation-preferably one without four padded walls and a straight jacket.

Then again, after the day he'd had, Hatori might like that.


End file.
